


goodbye, my sun

by lovely404



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Five Stages of Grief, Flowers, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Language of Flowers, Platonic Relationships, Sort of? - Freeform, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-19 02:09:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29867553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovely404/pseuds/lovely404
Summary: after tommy's death, tubbo goes through the five stages of grief
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & Ranboo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 12
Kudos: 45





	goodbye, my sun

**Author's Note:**

> make sure to read the end notes!! it's very important :]

for weeks now tubbo had been avoiding the grave he built.

it's not that he didn't _want_ to go, it's just that he refused to accept its existence. he liked to stay in his little cocoon of denial, comforted by ignorance. hiding away, safe with his hotel and ranboo. he was content. 

that was a lie. 

in fact, he was the furthest thing from content. while he acted as if he was, there was still the nagging sensation tickling his mind. it was like a magnet that drew him to the truth of what became of his best friend. and that magnet is what brought him here. 

“you once asked me what you are without me, but now i don't know what i am without you” tubbo whispered, desperately trying to hold back tears. he stood in front of tommy's grave, staring down at the new headstone. the yellow carnations that he had placed on the grave sat there, a thing of beauty amidst the sorrowful air. 

tubbo sighed, he was so tired. tired of losing and losing, never gaining. it seemed that the only good things he had left were ranboo and snowchester, but snowchester held the grave that he avoided like the plague and he could hardly even look at ranboo now. it's not that he blamed him, it's just that ranboo made him feel guilty. guilty that he had been happily getting married while his best friend was trapped in prison. guilty that he was smiling as tommy took his last breath. 

he thought that maybe coming here today would help. he thought that maybe, tommy's ghost would be sitting atop the headstone, awaiting his arrival. but no, tommy was nowhere to be found, or at least for tubbo he wasn't. 

so he stood for a moment, waiting for a response. but nothing came. so instead he sat.

he didn't say anything, he couldn't. he felt like talking to the grave would only confirm the fact that tommy was gone. tubbo just settled on the small patch of grass, back leaning against the freezing stone. he let the snow fall around him, blanketing his universe in silence. 

he had always loved the silence.

he doesn't anymore. 

the silence reminds him of what he lost, it reminds him of the empty void where his friend’s booming laughter could be heard.

he could almost hear the melody, muffled in his mind. 

he continues to sit there, picking at the grass. not a word leaves his chapped lips, instead, he lets them sit in his head, foolishly hoping he could say them to tommy's face one day. 

he ended up leaving after another hour, making a mental promise to come visit soon. on his way out, he didn't notice the translucent arms snaking around his chest, embracing him from another dimension. 

\---

tubbo returned a few weeks later with a bundle of petunias. 

he had spent those weeks searching for the culprit, only to come up empty. he had sent tsunamis of rage towards anyone and everyone that dared come near the grave. he let out screams of frustration to sam, his verses became familiar with the name of the green villain locked away in the obsidian box.

he sent empty threats to the ones who stood and watched, only now expressing their fake condolences. he didn't listen to any of their shallow words of false sympathy. 

he sat on the bench now, head tilted up towards the sky. he let himself shout curses towards the clouds, the snow muffling his cries. he let fury infest him, her flames making a home in his mind. she became a disease to him, a sinful addiction. her scarlet hair coiling around his throat, corrupting the very air he inhaled. he sat alone with his new best friend fury.

but he wasn't alone. no, he never would be. fury wasn't his friend. but tommy was. unfortunately, while tubbo basked in his fire, he didn't feel the weight of the ghostly hand in his opened palm. 

\---

it had been a month, and tubbo arrived with a single ginseng flower. 

he had placed it on the ground and simply stood, tired eyes reflecting his torment.

every night, he had stayed up, the room doused in candlelight. he had perched himself on his bed, letting the cool night air filter through the open window. 

“please, universe, bring him back to me. i'd do anything.” 

he recited wishes and prayers to the stars, but they only laughed in his face. 

“ _you're a foolish child, nothing more._ ”

and it was true, he was a fool. he continued to wish, he let himself be overtaken by hope. such hope blinded him, he didn't see the shadow of his husband, standing in the doorway. such hope deafened him, he didn't hear ranboos pleas for him to just sleep.

he vowed to never sleep again, because what was the point if he didn't have his sun to wake up to?

\---

he had wanted to visit, he really did. but it took him a month to get the strength. with him, he brought sullen eyes claimed by loss and a few gentians. 

he could hardly eat anymore. each day was filled with nothing but grey. grey skies, grey people, grey words, without his sun the world was bleak.

he had come with ranboo today. they sat together on the bench, just like he and tommy would. ranboo was kind to tubbo, he was the only reason tubbo was still something of a human.

he made sure tubbo ate, cooking pancakes for him in the morning, his favorite. he had gotten tubbo out of bed today, bringing him to the grave. 

they sat in silence, except for the wind blowing around them. behind them stood the sun, invisible to the one with his head in his hands. ranboo gave a sad smile, only returned by a clueless stare. 

“ _ah, so he doesn't remember._ ”

they left after a few more minutes, leaving the ghost of the sun at the bench. 

\---

he holds a yellow rose in his hand, the other held securely in ranboo’s. for the first time in months, tubbo arrived not with a frown, but instead with a smile. it was a small one, but it was something. 

he owed everything to ranboo, who had helped him through this time. he missed his sun, but he realized that this moment was only an eclipse, and that his sun was still there, hidden in a different universe. 

he had finally let himself cry, the tears slipping down his cheeks, little crystals encapsulating memories of before. ranboo pulled him into a hug, letting the tears burn scars into his skin. 

and there, with a hand on tubbos' shoulder, stood the invisible sun. tubbo didn't feel the hand. all he felt was the warmth from behind him. he didn't know that his sun was here, but he didn't need to know. he accepted the heat of a thousand suns, he was surrounded with love. 

and even if it wasn't the best right now, it would be okay.

they would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> there's lots of flowers in here and they all have meanings!
> 
> yellow carnations- rejection (this was meant to symbolize tubbo rejecting the idea of tommys death aka denial)  
> petunia- anger  
> ginseng- wishes (this is meant to symbolize the bargaining stage of grief)  
> gentians- depression  
> yellow rose- new beginnings (this is for acceptance)
> 
> also to explain ghostinnit, tubbo can’t see him because he still hasn’t moved on from his death. the reason why ranboo can is because he managed to move on quicker than tubbo! so the only way for someone to see tommy is if they move on from his death
> 
> kudos and comments are always appreciated <333
> 
> follow me on twitter: @/elytrabun (i post lots of writing/theories there)


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